I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize