Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
