Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
