I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I wish you could order shots online.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
