its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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