a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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