my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
