can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
