People in love make me want to vomit
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
