His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
