just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
