oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize