Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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