My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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