i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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