ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
