We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Even my vagina gasped.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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