There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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