It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
