Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
