come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize