I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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