Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
