i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
