that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize