I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
