I don't usually arrange sex via text message
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
