i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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