I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
