I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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