Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
