I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
