ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
