if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize