i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Randomize
