i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
