you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
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