I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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