im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
