You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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