Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
