Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
