can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
