fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
