she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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