Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
