I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
It's shark week go big or go home
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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