I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
