Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
