The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
