when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
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