Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
