I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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