I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
