Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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