i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
im about as happy as oj after his trial
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
