I only kidnapped one of them. chill
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
