what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
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