My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize