There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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