i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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