It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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