just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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