Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
