I heard we made out
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
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