you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
