vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
