I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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