You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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