I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
