I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
