doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
