how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
