I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
4 words: hood of his car
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
