I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
