Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
organizing the empties. That sober.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize