they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
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