everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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