She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
