so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
