it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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