So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
