I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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