Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
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