just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
