My first STD was from a foam party
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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