If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
