Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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