My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
soo... how was my night?
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