There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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