Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
