two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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