Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
