Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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