When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
