omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
