Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
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