and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize