i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
