omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
