just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
