So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
