what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
