jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
