I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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