I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
