If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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