I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize