I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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