the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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